by Karen Davies | Aug 22, 2017 | Personal Insights, Travel Blog
Navigating mindfully through the bad days
“We often hold this notion that when we move house, change our job or the car that magically things will shift, that life will somehow transform into the land of our dreams.”
Sat in the wilds of Transylvania, we have a moment of stillness to reflect on what has been a challenging couple of weeks and make sense of all the events that have unfolded. It’s been a bit odd really as it feels a bit like having a favourite sandwich; some fabulous experiences in the middle of some personally and financially stretching events. The unexpected storm tonight seems to match with my mood, as my mind races erratically like a tempestuous teenager, reviewing the series of challenges we have had to deal with. It causes me to reflect on my own learning and the dualities of a nomadic life and our travel choices.
The magic of change
“It is such a romantic notion to run away into the sunset and travel aimlessly, being guided by the wind, your intuition or the warmth of the sun.”
We often hold this ideal that when we move house, change our job or the car that magically things will shift; that life will somehow transform into the land of our dreams. And it is true, that for a time, it will certainly feel different, may-be even better. It could last a week, a month or a few years. Although the reality is that there is no complete escape – because life still vibrates around us, the clocks still chime and the earth still revolves.
The same happens when we decide to travel. Whether we choose backpacking around the world, an exciting sponsored-trip to the jungle or embark on a 3 month tour of Europe in a camper, we don’t escape life, we simply change the parameters within which we choose to live.
It is such a romantic notion to run away into the sunset and travel aimlessly, being guided by the wind, your intuition or the warmth of the sun. And it is a privileged and wonderful life, there’s no doubting that. How amazing is it to swap the routine of the Home, Work, Shops triangle for the sound of wolves in the mountain depths of Bulgaria or the crashing waves of the azure Grecian seas? I certainly wouldn’t swap.
Yet whilst we may find the courage to change our lives beyond recognition and, to use that cliché, ‘live the dream’ there is another perspective that must be packed into the suitcase of our new life choices – called the shadow.
As there is day, there too must be night, where the sun shines, the rain too must fall. The shadow exists as part of the duality of life and is not intended as a gloomy insight, just an aspect of life that, with awareness can keep us rooted into the reality of this beautiful, challenging and crazy world. Knowing the shadow exists can maintain our nomadic sanity
Amidst the joy of waking up in a new land with evocative smells of the local street food or the prospect of walking to the local bakery for your morning’s croissant, we need to be mindful of the shadow’s role in throwing challenges, problems and crises our way. I’m not suggesting that we keep this as such a strong focus that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, although if we can just ‘keep our heads, when all around us are loosing theirs..’ to quote Kipling, then surely our travelling experiences will be all the richer.
The problem with shadow’s presence on our travels is that it can cause us to get lost in fear, stress and anxiety, none of which are healthy places at any time, least of all whilst we are away from home. So what if we could apply some techniques for navigating these difficulties more smoothly, which would allow us to return to the business of seeking adventures?
Tips for Travelling Mindfully and navigating the bad days
There are so many things we can do to prevent the travellers’ droop and the risk of our dreams crashing to the floor. Here are my mindful insights, based on our recent stretching experiences:
- Acceptance. Let’s face it, bad days will happen from time to time. We could well have something stolen, a laptop damaged by a freak storm, an uncomfortable interaction, an accident that damages our vehicle or break pads that need changing in a country of a strangers. And of course Banks still need to be dealt with, Insurance firms want us to jump through hoops when making a claim and compliance to the System’s rules keep a loose thread around us. Health issues are bound to crop up and stuff back home still needs our loving support and encouragement. Accepting that things will happen out of the blue will help you navigate this journey with more ease.
- Awareness. What defines us and our happy lifestyle is how we handle what comes up. Our typical response to a crisis is to move into a flight or fight reaction, where primal behaviours kick in and we go into high alert. This protects us to some degree although may have us acting in a way that is not natural on a day to day basis. Instead, as our martial arts friend recently quoted ‘Be prepared not paranoid’. Know what action you will take in the event of a crisis, such as someone breaking into your space. Have a plan about how you will go about dealing with a stolen wallet. Know the emergency numbers of the country you’re visiting and always make sure your phone is charged. Be aware and alert without being paranoid – this pairing can carry you through a crisis or challenge with dexterity and calmness.
- Breathe. In the midst of the vortex we go into a instinctive mode where our body reacts chemically to protect us from harm. In this high alert state we forget to breathe, which can instantly calm us and reduce our racing heart-rate. In stress or an event that triggers anger, sadness or disappointment, remember to breathe as it will reduce the alertness we are experiencing and creates a more rational space for us to operate in.
- Be mindful. Travel and mindfulness is an art and skills we need to acquire. I’ve found travel to be my greatest teacher in the last 18 months and I continue to stay grounded in the experiences, both good and bad so that I can grow. Keep coming back to the here and now. It’s all too easy for our primitive, reptilian brain to scatter fear, uncertainty and doubt around our feet so that a forest of anxiety springs up, suffocating our dreams. Be attentive to how you feel, sit with whatever comes up and give it space to breathe. Don’t feed it, just be aware of it and it too will pass.
- Rational thinking. We often believe that our thinking is the root of all evil and it certainly rules the roost much of the time especially when they come from our unconscious mind or reptilian brain. Instead when we mindfully bring our thoughts back into our conscious mind in the pre-frontal cortex, then we can rationalise what is going on and challenge our irrational thoughts. Take a step back, assess the bigger picture, see all sides and decide on appropriate action. This will hold you in the reality of the situation rather than the nightmare action movie you have just directed in your head.
- Be grateful for all you have, all you experience and all that goes well. It’s so easy when there is a run of bad luck or challenges sent to try us, to get into a victim mentality. It is from this space that our thoughts of ‘home’ may return and we start to wonder if we should continue. Gratitude is key to us being in the moment and appreciating all we have, thanks to our life choices. Whilst ‘going back’ may be the right thing to do, listen to your heart and not your head, especially whilst it feels in crisis mode. Make decisions in the cool light of day.
- See things as they are, not as you think they are. It’s that reptilian brain playing tricks with us again. It sees a situation and starts bringing in historical events, drama and over-generalisation and, before we know it we’ve inflamed the situation. See it for what it is. A stolen passport, a disgruntled person or a soggy laptop. Avoid the trap of ‘Why me?’ ‘It’s not fair’ and concentrate on creating a resolution.
- Take responsibility and learn from what has happened. As with everything in life, there is always a lesson. I’m a great believer in ‘People (and indeed events) come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.’ Take time, after the challenge is over to explore what you can do differently to prevent it coming up again. Take the experience positively so you can move on quickly.
- Let go! Whatever has happened, work through the resolution and then let go. Releasing the tension over a challenging situation means you move on with your travels, without the shadow clouding your experiences. We hold onto too much negative emotion that affects our enjoyment of the the moment. So learn to accept what has happened and then move forward.
So as we throw ourselves at the mercy of our wanderlust and commit to the joys of travel, remember that travelling mindfully is the key to our positive, self-expanding experiences that will have us trotting around the globe seeking out new adventures for as long as forever may be for us.
With love and happiness Karen x
Karen is a life coach, author and travel commentator who, with her seriously entertaining husband Myles, are feeding their curiosity with full-time travel in their camper. Together they are passionate about inspiring you to travel; whenever, wherever and however you can.
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by Karen Davies | Mar 3, 2017 | Featured Post, Personal Insights, Serious Stuff, Travel Blog
As those lovely Roman chaps used to say, ‘Tempus fugit’ – and you know what? They were right, time really does fly. I can’t believe where the last year has gone; a whole twelve months has past since we embarked on the biggest week of our lives, EVER!
From the humble and yet inspiring beginnings of a Silver anniversary road-trip in New Zealand, we packed up our belongings, said ‘goodbye’ to jobs and handed the keys back to the rented house we had called ‘home’ for four years. We stuck two fingers up to conformity, leaving behind what society classes as normality – after all who wants normal when you can have adventure and a life on the road? I get that this isn’t for everyone and, if truth be known, four years ago I would have said that it wasn’t for me either. Yet we’ve never been scared to do things differently and boy, this was seriously different.
So on 4 March 2016 we left English shores for our European road trip, yet as we said au revoir to Plymouth’s port, little did we know how life on the road, with our trusty chariot Scoobie, would change our lives, possibly forever. Read more about our pre-road trip preparation and tips here…
As I look back now, on the cusp of our first anniversary, I’m wondering how appropriate it is to celebrate this landmark. Is it with champagne? Is it with a meal or do we simply acknowledge with a huge amount of gratitude how life has unfolded for us? The latter certainly seems like the only way to mark this significant date. No doubt we will reflect on the months that have passed and reminisce over the ups and downs of our nomadic life and the people we’ve met along the way.
Although the thing that will hit us the most will be the lessons we’ve learnt, and are still learning, as we meander our way through this new lifestyle. So, what are those lessons?
Here are our TOP 10 Lessons from our Nomadic Classroom.
1. The first is, how fear can take over your dreams. Fear of what others might think, fear of what could happen in the future or fear of how safe you will be in a strange country. Fears so big, that if not addressed can consume you and hold you back from living the life you deserve. Realising that fear is only a self-constructed thought can release you from its grasp and enable you to live your dreams. We challenged each fear and looked at them with logical eyes and common sense. We worked out the likelihood that those fears ever materialising and generated contingency plans should the worst ever happen. Once you strip away fear’s power you fly free. See more about overcoming fear here…
2. Have the courage to be different. Conforming to society’s expectations can be a comforting blanket to be enwrapped by, although this has its limitations, especially if your wanderlust is calling. We came to the conclusions that however others may judge us, this is our life, our dream and life is too short to accommodate norms that no longer fit your dreams. This is our time to fulfil our potential.
3. Remember this isn’t a holiday, this is a lifestyle. For our first three months, we grabbed at everything; visited every UNESCO site there was and ticked off Natural Parks, cathedrals and cities as though they were going out of fashion. We soon realised that we needed to evolve from tourist travellers into nomadic travellers if we were going to stay sane. So stopping in one place for more than two nights became an important ingredient in our adventures. You don’t need to see everything all in one go. Hopefully there is always tomorrow (finger’s crossed.)
It’s all about balance.
4. Balance is important – learn the art of stillness and movement. Our first six months was a lovely yet a busy period as we not only settled into a rhythm, we committed to seeing friends and family. We hadn’t quite got used to creating a kinder schedule for ourselves. We soon realised that travelling is tiring and needs respect. Whilst we have no regrets of any one of our visits, we could have been more mindful of our needs and stresses. In twelve months we’ve covered nearly 13500 miles and 10 countries during that time, which is phenomenal. Although at the other end of the spectrum we had five weeks at one place in January, which had us itching to travel again. So finding a balance between being still and smelling the roses whilst travelling to a new ‘home’ is really important and has taken us a year to work out. And we think we’ve finally grasped it, although I’m not sure you ever get it ‘right’!
5. Embrace simplicity. I’ve never been a Madonna – material girl, although Myles might disagree with the number of shoes I’ve brought with me. Yet we’ve stripped back a three bedroomed house and fully functioning kitchen to all the bare essentials for our 7.5 metre space. And there’s absolutely nothing we want for – at all. Although what we have learned is to be creative with the resources we do have, be inventive in how we store things and embrace simplicity. We cook more simply, we live more simply and we dress in a way that feels comfortable. We regularly stream-line what we have by doing a bi-annual cull – anything not used or worn during that time is recycled. A number of my shoes have found themselves back in my mum’s care because I hadn’t worn them. Life on the road demands simplicity and it’s such a lovely value to embrace as it brings so much more peace to daily life.
Wild camping in Playa de Carolina, Aguilas, Murcia
6. Wilding versus campsite. Over the last year we have done a fair bit of wild camping, although not as much as I thought we might. I’m not sure it was anything to do with confidence or safety – perhaps more to do with internet connection and a decent signal so we could work. Sometimes it depended on the country, for example Slovenia and Italy don’t encourage wild camping, so places are hard to find. There are some definite periods during the year when wilding is a ideal; Easter, July/August (when campsite fees are crazily expensive and you can’t use ACSI) and January/February when lots of us ‘snow birds’ are looking for some winter warmth. In between, we’ve found a rhythm that gives us a bit of wild camping and then a top up on a site so we can juice up, do washing and get some good wifi. Don’t miss out on wild camping though, as you get to meet some amazing characters and the sites do just what they say on the tin; wild, wonderful and warming to the soul. Read more about our wilding perspective…
Living life together in a small space is doable.
7. You can have harmony in a small space. Who would have thought that two people (or more in some cases) could live harmoniously in such a small space. Whilst we have met people for whom it hasn’t worked out, as it has put too much pressure on their relationship, for us we are stronger. We have found a way to live, work and move around the van such that it doesn’t invade each other’s space and we regularly talk about how we’re doing and iron out any frustrations. Of course during the summer we have a whole ‘outside’ space to luxuriate in. Winter can be more compromising, although we have baggsyed our own ‘office’ space and we have a couple of rules like, only one person in the kitchen at one time and always make the bed. Otherwise we are so pleased at how well we flow, even after nearly 30 years together.
8. Be a gracious teacher and student. We came into our road-trip with a little experience of owning and travelling in motorhomes before. Although having a holiday or short-break to living full-time are miles apart and we never underestimated the transition we knew we would have to make. So we studied, researched and honed our skills before we left and soon realised how much more there was to learn on the road. Like to how fix a punctured toilet miles from anywhere and getting off wet ground, even with grip mats. We really do feel like every day is a school day. Although it’s lovely to talk about our experiences and choices with others, if they ask. We love to share and receive and we have adjusted so much of what we do based on other people’s experiences.
Root yourselves not in one place.
9. You root yourself wherever your tyres stop. One of my worst fears before we embarked on our nomadic journey, was not being rooted in a home that I could call my own. I’ve always been a home bird and loved coming back after a holiday. So how would I cope not having the security of a roof and four walls? This has been my biggest revelation of the whole year really. Roots are not in bricks and mortar; roots are wherever you stop for the night; roots come from your own feet and not from an address that you can return to. Scoobie is our home and he provides our roots and our routes. And although we’re loving this now, it might not always be this way – so when or if that time arrives, then we will create new roots, in a new way. As Paul Young sang way back when, ‘Wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home.’ Let go of roots and your freedom to explore expands exponentially.
10. You never really escape The Matrix. And finally, one of our biggest lessons that we learned early on was, although we had chosen to move away from what we call The Matrix (which contains all the ties, rules and regulations of life in the System), actually it’s everywhere. You never quite escape it completely. If, like us you still have a property that you rent out for income, then there are still landlord issues to deal with, bank incompetences, tax issues to sort out and rules that still require you to comply to some degree. So if escape is the thing you long for most, then the harsh reality is that you can’t. The quicker you realise this, the more freedom you will gain ironically. Stress still exists in our lives, although it is only ever self-induced. As long as you still have a NI number you will always have some ties and links to the System. That said, the hoops you have to jump through are significantly reduced, and now our stress, after years of depression, debt and anxiety, are at an all-time low.
So how would we sum up our experiences over the last twelve months? Although perhaps over-used, life changing definitely feels an appropriate phrase. We had a dream, overcame fears, worked together to make it happen and feel grateful for every moment that we are blessed to enjoy. And we can honestly say that we are happier than we’ve ever been thanks to those courageous actions and a whole heap of support from family and friends. We now play hard, work hard and live well, giving life a good old workout. We cherish every moment and each moment inspires us to keep on trucking. May the next year be equally blessed with health, adventure and happiness as we continue our exploration of eastern European shores. We hope you’ll join us along the way. Cheers!
Ms Moneypenny and Mr Rainman xxx
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