When Myles said, one Sunday morning in April 2015, “Shall we buy a motorhome and go travelling around Europe?” he was greeted with a combination of puppy-like excitement and deeply entrenched fear. We had just returned from an incredible six week trip in New Zealand in a hired motorhome, celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. We knew that the trip might ignite the travel bug in our bellies, so his question had plenty of relevance.
I was fascinated by my reaction to his romantic vision of packing everything into storage, buying a motorhome and setting off into the European sunset. It seemed so simple, until my ego and scared inner child got involved in the conversation.
After what seems a lifetime of fear dominating my experiences, this moment felt poignant as hubby’s question had unveiled a deeply-seated anxiety that needed tackling. As coach, I often see the role fear plays in our lives, and how it impacts on holding us back from our dreams. Perhaps this was the time for me to banish it and release my inner adventurer.
Having been in the corporate world for over 25 years, I remember creating a strap line for my coaching business;
‘Make every day an adventure and each moment count.’
Its purpose was to inspire clients to seize the day and find that indomitable ‘happiness’ within, leaving their fears aside. On the surface, it seemed like great advice, yet the one person not truly embodying that philosophy – was me. In truth, from that moment until now, we have been blessed with so many adventures and life-changing decisions, that I must give some credit to my fearless self. Although as I come back to my husband’s invitation to walk the path of adventure and exploration, I found myself recoiling to the frightened little girl whose best friends were Scary, Fearful and Doubtful!
Naturally, there were plenty of discussions over the following months and, despite my discomfort, we did our research and travelled the length and breadth of the country searching for our perfect motorhome. It was as much a symbolic journey as it was physical, with plenty of roundabouts, diversions, traffic lights, dead-ends and one-way streets. Paradoxically, my fear was being fuelled by this journey; I think it was creating a malevolent battle between itself and my desire for freedom. It was just biding its time to attack and render me helpless to its power.
We found the van, the model, our ideal layout and the decision was made – then boom! Fear threw his black cloak of doom over me – suddenly, decision unmade! Now I was holding us back from turning our dream into reality.
Skirting around fear was no longer an option. I had wasted far too much time being scared, worried and anxious – now it was time for change. After weeks of revisiting our decision, fear’s dance with my inner adventurer became more of a battle than an artistic performance. Its orchestra flirting between the echoes of “Do it now, do it whilst you can, because life is too short’ and “No I can’t, I’m scared. What if….”
This whole journey really made me examine my fear and its impact on both our lives. I found the courage to get to the heart of its hold over me and discovered that it was anxiety about a lack of roots, insecurity and uncertainty. And yet as I stared fear in the face and understood its personality, I saw it for what it was – simply a self-created construct of False Expectation Appearing Real – and nothing more.
Some of this realisation came after a conversation with my dear mum, who told me about how she and dad had the same opportunity to sell up and travel the world, decades earlier. She too ran scared because of similar worries. Whilst she said she didn’t regret the decision, I was left with a huge sense that having lost my dad in 2007, there was a grain of sadness at what could have been, if only she had said ‘yes’. And so that cathartic moment triggered me into action – the Battle over Fear had begun.
I returned home feeling determined. After an empowering discussion, together Myles and I threw caution to the wind and paid our deposit on ‘Scooby’ the motorhome, who would carry us on our magical mystery tour. We talked about how to deal with my uncertainties so I could feel safe, although I felt so positive about my new-found freedom, that I trusted all will be well.
This moment will undoubtedly be a turning point in our lives. The most interesting thing for me, is that now my personally designed fear has been removed, I am left with the most joyous feelings of excitement, anticipation and happiness that fill its space. Whilst I recognise that life is unlikely to unfold perfectly, I am ready for the journey. After all these years, I am now prepared to turn my own coaching strap line into an authentic philosophy that will colour our life’s tapestry. And as we head towards that sunset, we now carry these words in our heart:
‘Make every day an adventure and each moment count.’
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That’s great, you do have to live life to the full, you never know what’s round the corner, this was also our dream, but did not work out for us, but that’s another story, still have a motor home and still get out, just enjoy each day and take what ever happens, and meet lots of different people. Good luck
Hi Susan, you’re so right – life is very short and I know in my heart, that whatever happens and for however long we are privileged to travel this journey, I am grateful for the opportunity. I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out for you, although at least with your chariot at your side you can still have adventures that fit your life circumstances as they are today. Every day has its own treasure for us. Enjoy all that comes your way and I wish you happiness and health. Kx
I too want to travel the world. I’ve been moving about this beautiful country all my life…….Dr Banardos and then Armed services. But now I’m with my beautiful wife who can not bring herself to take the plunge, (…had seriously bad injuries from bike accident many years ago. Now serverly disabled) I read about others dreams coming true and wander if only……I applaud you for taking that next step.
Hi Jez, I’m so sad to hear about your wife’s accident – traumatic events in our lives have a strange way of guiding us to the path we’re meant to take, even if it doesn’t quite align to our dreams. Although dreams are very personal and can be changed and ‘come a size too big so that we can grow into them.’ Create your own dreams, together. Others have their own destinies and wondering ‘what if’ truly only causes us more suffering, I have found. When we design our own visions that fit our circumstances then we take control of our lives and become in charge of our own destiny. I wish happiness for you both and new hopes and dreams, wherever they may take you. Kx
Fear holds many of us back, possessions and ” stuff” anchor us, and we live compromised lives, I too have a dream , and I hope when the time is right ( and very soon ) I will have your courage and reap the rewards you have, In my life I’ve been grave and risked everything, and have to say those were the best decisions I’ve ever made, I hope I can learn from my own life experiences and trust myself.
Hi Julie, sorry somehow missed your comment, sorry for being so late in replying. Trusting in our own abilities and our courage that comes from deep within our hearts rather than listening to the flightiness of our fears is key to living our dreams. Thoughts too often plague us and they can be controlled and eliminated. I too hope that you can trust in your experience – after all you have proof that you can already do it. That is a great antidote to fear. Here’s to your trust, your dreams and your happy life. With love Karen x
I can relate to the fear……as wheelchair user & health challenges & as solo traveller ( with 3 cats), converting my first motorhome some 9 years ago now, was HUGE decision. But my goodness, I’ve been able to travel all round UK….yes I have to research fuel stops for pay at pump ones & had some ‘not able to get out of motorhome as site deep shingled when described as ‘hard standing’ etc
But I’ve been able to visit friends, inspired another to get a motorhome & she now travels with her rescue dog. As I write this, I’m in my motorhome in my parents drive ( their house not set up for wheelchair overnight stays).., and I camp in other friends drives, electric cable through letter box as able to,visit them even when I cannot get into their house….they come into my ‘house on wheels’
Even driving to the coast, not getting out, but having cup of tea, watching the view, reading a book (able to have a wee!) is liberating and possible…..it’s not all long journeys
For anyone, it is worth trying. Most of us are only here once, we have to make the most of it.
Thank you for this blog…..gave me much food for thought
Hi Sarah Jane, what a lovely reply, thank you so much for sharing your journey. And what a journey it is and just shows you how you can achieve anything that you set your heart and mind to. I am full of admiration and you are an inspiration for all those who wish they could yet don’t. There’s a definite blog here in your story. Perhaps you would like to do a guest blog for us on this theme of fear and living beyond them? I think you have a vey powerful message to share with others. Especially the ‘home on wheels’ and ‘it’s not all long journeys’. Please if you feel willing and able, you would email us at themotoroamers@gmail.com and let us know whether you would like to do a blog for us? Thanks and keep on travelling. Karen x
That’s such an amazing ode to the power of making those crucial decisions on which life pivots. I’m a firm believer that fear and its opposite number security can be found in all kinds of unexpected places, as well as the more obvious ones. I felt some of those chills when I left a brilliant job to work for myself, and to have the freedom to follow more of my dreams. Although it’s not always been easy, I love that hard-won freedom. I also love that you two are celebrating the call of the road, and are navigating its bumps with style and flair. Wishing you many, many happy adventures.
Hi Bernie, thanks for such a lovely reply. I love that ‘hard-won freedom’ – what a great phrase this is and it feels so true. We do our best as in all of life, not just travel, to do it gracefully and respectfully. Life throws up all sorts of challenges although it is our privilege to work through them. I wish the same to you. Warmest wishes Kxx
‘Make every day an adventure and each moment count.’
YESSSSSS!
We’ve been traveling for around 2.5 years full-time, and it’s been amazing. We’re always going on new adventures and often think about what life would be like if we didn’t take that leap.
Hi Michelle. It’s an incredible life and I can’t imagine living any other way. We integrate some housesitting into our lifestyle and we are always grateful to get back into our lovely home. Kx
Thanks so much, Karen for your own personal words on this tricky subject, to go forward and face the fear within or to stay put and forever wonder, what if. I will keep you posted on our journey. Jo x
Hi Jo, look forward to hearing how it all goes for you. Kx